


Sburbdust Crusaders

by autumns_windsarevacant



Category: Homestuck, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Comedy, Gen, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 00:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17355371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumns_windsarevacant/pseuds/autumns_windsarevacant
Summary: Formaggio and Ghiaccio start World War 3.





	Sburbdust Crusaders

**Author's Note:**

> This is poorly written because its the first chapter. Please fucking help me, shit seems kind funny or maybe really funny but I promise at least 300 more chapters of bullshit that follow this nonsense storyline. Oh uh Make-out scenes in chapter 10... whenever I get there. OH and i do promise stand fights in later chapters when i write them. there really was no need for them in this chapter lol.

For some unknown goddamn reason, they were in the middle of the highway going 120 MPH. No one really gave a shit except for the people they hit. The main characters who don't even know they're important because they probably aren't, are Ghiaccio and Formaggio. Your average drug mafia members that are trying to kill your boss along with the rest of La Squadra. La Squadras nick-nicknames are: Moldy cheese, F(l)urry, Henry Scissor Fingers, Neck, Foot fetish, Gay Couple, Specter-phobia, and Old People Fever.

They hit another car. An idea came to Formaggio. “Hey Ghiaccio. What would happen if I did this?” He placed his hand on the dial to change the radio station. “HEY FUCKER GET YOUR HAND OFF OF THAT FUCKING DIAL. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD LET IT GO.” “But there's nothing playing..” Ghiaccios eye twitched. “STOP IT ASSHOLE.”  
“Ok, mom.” Formaggios smile dissipated and his hand resumed its resting position upon his lap.

They hit 2 more cars.

Formaggios mind wandered and thought of something. “Aren't your parents like...” He paused. “...gay?” Ghiaccio made his popular 'I'm pissed off and look at how close my mouth and eyes can get to my nose while I sweat like a fat ass standing up to get chips face. 

“YES MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING GAY. THEY DONT HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME BECAUSE FUCKING ALABAMA PRIESTS AND ALL THAT SHIT BUT THEY ARE GAY. THEIR FUCKING NAMES ARE KARKAT VANTAS AND KATSUKI BAKUGO. THEIR TIPS TOUCHED AS THEY CAME AND THEN THE SPERM IMPREGNATED THEM AND THEN THEY EACH HAD A SIDE OF ME. KARKAT HAD THE LEFT SIDE OF ME AND BAKUDADDY HAD THE RIGHT SIDE OF ME.” Formaggio was traumatized enough, but he MUST know how he came out. “How the fuck did you come out then????” Ghiaccio made the face even harder by this point. “YOU KNOW HOW KIDS COME FROM A FEMALES VAGINA?”

“Yeah.”

“SO IMAGINE THAT, BUT WITH DICKS...”

It was time for Formaggio to leave. He had heard everything.

“...AND THEN WHEN I WAS BORN FROM THEIR SMALL AS SHIT DICKS, MY LEFT SIDE AND RIGHT SIDE MERGED TO FORM THE STRONGEST STAND USER THAT YOU WILL EVER KNOW.” Ghiaccios face went to his slightly pissed face which was... the same as his pissed face. 

Ghiaccio turned up the music from 0-10 which was when Formaggio realized something important, it was that Ghiaccio was playing 'That One Eminem Song' on repeat. 20 minutes went by after the volume got turned up. They hit about 30 more cars but neither of them cared. Formaggio couldn't fucking take it, he was on his last straw. He was about to fucking jump out the car until a solution came to his head. “Ghiaccio can you turn this off?” Ghiaccio gave him the death stare... and hit more cars. “THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, TURN IT OFF? ILL DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT! ASSHOLE.” Formaggio reached for the dial. “MAGGI DONT TURN IT OFF PLEASE.” His hand is on the dial. “FORMAGGIO I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL KILL YOU.” He turned the dial. “SON OF A FUCKI-” The station he turned to was playing a David Bowie cover of Killer Queen. Y'all know what that means.

FUCKING B O O M. The car exploded in the middle of the highway. All cars stopped and formed a circle around the two of them. Shits gonna go down.

“FORMAGGIO YOU LITTLE BITCH I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE GOD DAMNED DIAL! I HAD IT THAT WAY FOR A FUCKING REASON!” His face went into his pissed look again (which never actually changed). Formaggio smiled as he grabbed a stone. “Little Feet! Its time to vore!” Ghiaccios expression changed to a surprised look (I don't know what that looks like cause hes always a piss pony). “WHITE ALBUMN!” If Ghiaccio went furry mode, then you already know SHITS going DOWN. 

One extensive and pointless fight scene later.

They were making out for 5 minutes. “Mmph... Ghiaccio. I fucking l-” A pair of Scissors started forming in his neck. “FORMAGGIO WHATS WRONG.” He noticed the scissors in his neck. 'OH SHIT.' He thought. 'HES H E R E.' He looked up and there he was. Henry Scissor Fingers. “RISOTTO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO FORMAGGIO!?!?” 

“8oss ordered me to kill him. I don't fucking know why he wants me to do it.” He crouched down next to Formaggios body and checked his pulse. There was none. “To late to undo my stand. Hes already dead.” Ghiaccio started crying like the little slut he is. “B- BUT WE WERE AGAINST B-BOSS RISOTTO... I T- THOU-U-GHT THAT Y-OUD BE ON OUR SIDE??!!!” Tears were streaming down his face by this point. “Well yeah we may 8e against the 8oss 8ut I didn't like all the vore jokes he fucking made with his Stand.” Ghiaccio agreed.

They sat there for a few minutes, grieving the loss of an ally. All of a sudden bright light shines over Formaggios body, and they both look up. There he was, part 7s man, JESUS. He used his magical JESUS powers by saying 'Fuck me' and then Formaggio screamed. They were both caught off guard by this so Ghiaccio bitch slapped him as hard as he could. Formaggio went unconscious again but at least he was alive. They both looked back up and he was no longer there. SAD! “SO WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO WITH THIS FUCKER TO GET HIM TO YOUR CAR THAT YOU PARKED 69 FEET AWAY?” Risotto looked at him. “Are you fucking stupid? We're gonna carry the prick.” Ghiaccio threw him over his shoulder and they began walking as sirens wailed in the distance because some bitch bystander decided to call the cops on Risotto and not the car blowing up or the unseen fight between the two protagontits.

**Author's Note:**

> Please love me


End file.
